Pause… for painting.

Being back home makes me feel that keeping the chronological order of my travels is no longer important. What is important is how those travels are affecting me now that I am back home again. A large part of my trip was to step back from my studio life -discontent was reigning in when I left- and to be re focused, re inspired, and re-energized. And that is what has happened.

Traveling in San Francisco was made up of many small moments, friendships that lasted a day – sometimes a week – and then were gone. People and places rising into and out of my life on a daily basis. There were 3 things that struck me and made an immediate lasting impression on my journey of self discovery.

ONE. Visiting the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art – Being face to face to the paintings that I fell in love with as a teenager and inspired me to strive for me degree in painting. And alternately being face to face to some amazing works in fiber and responding very “meh” to them. It made me think about why I started to shift into fibers in the first place and why I insisted on coming back to painting for my senior show. (more on this later below)

TWO. Finally finding the street I had been searching for the whole time I was in San Francisco-Valencia- my street. Well, not really mine, but it was what I had been looking for. Used book stores, independent publishers and printers selling zines and self-published books, gallery/boutique spaces, diy gallery spaces, specific interesting shops like a shop just for pirate supplies that was actually the front end for a non profit after school program. And on top of that, having amazing conversations with just about every single shop owner I met that day – AND being invited/encouraged to show/submit/sell my work as well as teach workshops.

THREE. Talking with the woman I had a friend crush on since I first saw her – and it turns out the partner of her business is amazing and interesting and I now I have a friend crush on him too. I shared my zine with them and they were enthusiastic and encouraging and immediately pushed for me to move to San Francisco. As well as inviting me to a craft night and shows and telling me their friends would love me. I wish I would have had one more night to take advantage of their invites, but I was literally 10 minutes from having to walk to the BART and get my butt on my plane home. They told me to come find them next time I was in town (which will be sooner rather than later I think).

(btw, if you are ever on post and jones in the morning/early afternoon – stop by Farm:: Table for the best coffee in all of San Francisco – seriously you won’t be disappointed). (also, “friend crush” when you meet someone and think to yourself ‘they are amazing, I just know we would get along great, and be good friends’… not like stalker creepy, just thinking someone is neat).

Those three things gave me a lot to think about while I was in town and while I was on the plane flying back to my home – to my studio.

With the realization that I loved fiber arts as an artisan, I embraced that I didn’t really love it as an artist. This is a huge thing for me to admit publicly. And I think, saying this out loud… on my blog… is a good first step to moving forward as an artist.

In case you didn’t read that important public admission, here it is again a little louder:

I do not love fiber as an artist (for me).

Now, that being said, there are some fiber artists that I love, whose work I love. Who I have friend crushes on. But for me. For my work. Well…. I love painting. And going to the MOMA and being face to face with a Rothko, to Frida Kalo, to Deago Revera, to Jasper Johns and Robert Roshenberg… and painters I had never heard of before that I loved all the same.

Just to illustrate some of the responses I had to paintings, here is what I wrote in my sketch book while walking around the MOMA:

“Looking at a painting I feel the strokes of the brush, I can feel the twitching of muscles, remember the arching of arms and back, the spreading, moving, and dividing of the colors just so — inhale deeply and my nose is lost for lack of the fumes (so present in my mind).

“The play, the anxiety, the excitement of the brush on the paint — all rush into my memory.

“I feel as if I could cry. The long lost child coming back to a loving parent. My efforts and attentions again finding their way back to my brush. I could never knit again and no difference to my soul there would be. To never paint? my soul be damned.”

Okay, so the last one on there, a little melodramatic sure, but true all the same. The thing is, I had no such similar responce to fibers. I appreciate it. I find it interesting. I find it engaging… but do I find it inspiring? not usually… in fact rarely.

Now does that mean that I’m going to stop being a pattern writer? no. or stop sewing? no. stop craft leftovers? HECK NO! It just means that as far as for me personally, I’m shifting back to paintings. I’m shifting back to showing my painting in galleries and spaces and selling them. I’m shifting my income from getting published, to selling paintings.

It struck me as sad that a whole year has passed since my last show, when before I had 4 in 2 months time. I think it’s a matter of where I’m focusing my energy.

You might ask, “If she has such strong feelings about her love of painting, why did she ever get so deeply into fibers?”

Well, that’s actually a pretty easy question to answer. I was weak. Fibers comes really easy to me. It’s like I remember things, I don’t learn them. So naturally, when my professors discovered this they suggested that I take fiber art classes. And then they guided me into working on fibers in my last year. And then, well, nothing happened. I had a lot of ideas, but everything was fragmented. There was no direction, no desire to finish, too many ideas and not enough time or energy. And the thing of it was, when left to my own devises, I went back to painting and drawing… not fibers. And when I did work in fibers on my own, it was purely utilitarian – knitting a sweater or socks or hats. And I think it was hard for my professors to realize that just because I was good at it, did not exclusively mean I should work with that media for my artwork. Knitting just does not speak to me the same way painting and drawing does. And I don’t speak through knitting the same way I do through painting and drawing.

I feel in many ways, what I wanted from my BFA – a good founding in painting skills more than my previous high school level – was not at all what I got. Do I regret this? no, not really. I learned a lot, I experienced a lot, I think my thought process and studio practice advanced a million times over. And looking back over the last year, I feel amazingly successful in what I have put my energy into.

The past year was successful.

I am actually right on track. I just forgot what track that was. I wanted to take a year off painting. I wanted to focus on Craft Leftovers and get it to the point where it was not just paying for itself, but paying for me – for my living expences. And in a years time that is exactly what has happened. And I’m also even able to put some extra money on my credit card debt thanks to my parents helping me with my student loans a bit each month (THANK YOU SO MUCH MOM AN DAD! I am so grateful for all they have done and sacrificed to help me get through school and now get me set up). I’ve also been published multiple times (Knit Scene and Craft Magazine). And just this month fufilled another huge goal – traveling to San Francisco and getting some contacts with local shops/galleries/book stores.

And that last goal helped me remember the point of all of the other goals – to free my artwork of financial responsibility. To make it so when I do start focusing on showing my work again it will be in the attitude of “this is what I care about and want you to know about”. In some ways a back up plan, but easier to transition out of than a full time mind numbing job. The work I do with Craft Leftovers is very inspiring and fulfilling in its own right and while it is a lot of work, it’s not mind numbing… it is fuel for my other creative endeavors… fuel for my paintings.

And that’s also kind of the thing of the whole dilemma that has arisen for me between art and craft here in my studio. I started out knitting to help me calm down. It was my release. My hobby. And then when it became my art too, well it stopped being a release to me. It’s okay for my work to be my play. But some things I want to be all play…. and I think that’s where fibers is returning to. And maybe that’s where Craft Leftovers is returning to as well – a place for me to play and relax and devour new materials and ideas and to make things useful and inspiring in a different way than my other studio work is. It’s more of a changing of attitude than a changing of actual output (as far as craft leftovers goes).

Lifestyle Changes.

A few months ago wrote about a new schedule I was going to try to enforce on myself. Well, it worked and it helped me get a lot of things done more efficiently and with less time put into them than I thought possible. And as part of changing the focus of my energy, I’m changing my schedule again.

And there are three things coming into play here – time set aside for the studio first thing in the morning, time scheduled for working out (more on that some other post – this post is long enough), and time for playing every day. A lot of days playtime will turn into studio time or reading or knitting and I’m okay with that. The main thing though is to make it so I’m not up until 2am working on a post that’s been hanging over my head all day. Just get it done right after lunch and be all set for whatever else needs attention. I tend to use my need to do a daily post as a procrastination tool. Like I will take a as much time as I am given (all day) to finish a post just because there are other things I need to get done too, but “I HAVE to get this post up first”. No good. haha.

I’ve also developed a plan to help me in my studio.

The first part is to just get painting again. And I have every hope that the next 2 months of paintings will suck. In fact, I just started my first crap painting today, and I loved it! (excuse the glare, the sun was setting and it was unavoidable. it’s a wip -read more about the specifics on the painting process by clicking on it- so I’ll get a better shot when it’s all finished up)

At the same time I am also starting a series of studies – tonal studies, color studies, still life studies, form studies. You get the idea. I want to feel on firm footing again with oil paints. I don’t want my ideas to be held up by my skills.

And I have started reading again. I just finished the book “How to Make a Zine” which I’ll be posting a review on here and Craft Leftovers and I’ve just started getting back into The Swan. For me, reading and studio practice go hand in hand. So i’ve set up a reading list for myself on american history, art theory, art history, and technical art books (drawing on the right side of the brain for starters).

Each morning I’m going to start out with a 30 second sketch, a 5 minute sketch, and then a 15 minute drawing – just like I used to when I was in my studio every day.

And as part of my getting back into the studio I’ll be posting more here on Kro Studio. I know that I’ve said that before. I’ve set these goals for myself before. But we all have false starts. We all fall into ruts. If we keep trying though, eventually it works out. And I think I’ve had all the false starts taken care of and I’m very serious about this.

Because I’m going to sketch every morning – that will be my post at a bare minimum for my daily posting plan. If I have more to show (a painting or book review or link to something that’s inspired me) well that will be in there too. But I think posting a picture of my sketch book is a manageable goal for myself.

So I’ll be back tomorrow after I’ve spent my time in the studio.

++ Kristin ++

ps – I’ve just uploaded a many more images to the San Francisco set on Flickr if you would like to see them.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Tags: art, craft_vs_art, daily_sketch, drawing, false_start, painting, plan, practice, studio, traveling